Co-Parent Counseling in St. Louis
Bridging conflict for a better way forward.
This isn’t the way you wanted to parent.
When significant relationships end, we all feel loss. As a parent, you don’t have the time to grieve that loss because you need to take care of your children. You also need to coordinate the care of those children with your ex.
So, with very little time for you, you are expected to get through your grief, be a great parent and be a great co parent with an ex that triggers you every time you talk.
When you add the additional stress of difficult daily interactions with that ex, that’s a recipe for fighting, toxicity and mounting frustration. No one wins, least of all the children you care so much about.
The feelings of shock, anger, resentment and sadness during the end of a relationship are normal. Nevertheless, they are painful and they can affect us every day – in our work and in our relationships.
You may find yourself more irritable with your children because you are stressed or saddened by the actions of your co-parent. You may find you aren’t as productive at work because you are so distracted by a toxic exchange with your co-parent.
Unfortunately, these feelings aren’t going to magically go away. As co-parents, you will have to continue to deal with each other regularly because you both care about your children. You want to be able to move on and stop fighting all of the time. You know it’s not good for your kids and it’s holding you back from healing and living a full life.
It’s time to take a step back and find a different way to interact.
Your romantic relationship may be over, but you are still parents. You’re in a new relationship now and that new relationship has to serve you, your mental health, and the mental health of your children. It’s time to set boundaries and start communicating with your ex in a more productive, and less stressful manner. With this new relationship, you can be partners with your co-parent instead of adversaries.
You can build a new life with healing, knowing you and your co-parent are doing the best you can for your kids.
We will work together on a system of communicating that will promote civility and establish boundaries. We will also work individually to help you process the very real grief you are experiencing so you can successfully detach from your romantic relationship. We will then work to reenforce this new way of interacting as we promote the development of the co-parenting relationship and specific co-parenting action items.
I’m here to help you with…
Communication – Learn a new way of communicating with your co-partner that will help you promote greater peace in your new relationship.
Processing your feelings – Individually process any feelings of anger, resentment or grief and discover how to detach and form new bonds.
Boundaries – Establish, recognize and honor boundaries.
Finding agreement – Explore parenting details on which you agree and find acceptable compromises where you may disagree.
Find a new way forward and embrace healing.
FAQS
Common questions about co-parenting counseling
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Sessions are generally 50 minutes, but can be extended to 75 if that makes sense for both parties. I use the first session to gather background information and learn more about why you’re here. I like to use the second and third sessions to meet with each of you individually to learn more about how I can help you co-parent. We will continue in that pattern for at least 6 total sessions and will review together to see if we need to continue.
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Co-parenting is an arrangement where both parents continue to be involved in the raising of their children even though the two parents are no longer married or living together as partners. The goal of co-parenting is to work cooperatively to raise their children with minimal parental conflict and civil communication.
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Co-parenting requires communication between parents and the ability to problem solve through issues or problems. Parallel parenting is designed for parents who are not able to communicate effectively and without conflict. This can require an agreement that each separate parent is responsible for decision-making in different domains of the child’s life to minimize parent interaction.
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With couples counseling, you are trying to repair the bond between two people while co-parenting counseling focuses on changing that romantic bond into a business partnership to promote the best interests of the children.
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Ideally, both parents would attend so we can work together to define boundaries and establish new ways to communicate. If your co-parent does not wish to attend counseling, you can still learn skills to help you manage high conflict situations with your co-parent. You can also take time for you to process any feelings of anger, grief or resentment.
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The goal of co-parent counseling is to develop a plan for the future and to focus on what is happening in the present moment. Instead of rehashing past disputes, we will be forward looking to develop a plan of action that will address the best interests of the children while reducing conflict.
This means we will develop new communication patterns that will help both co-parents to detach from their romantic bond and establish a business partnership focused on the children’s welfare. There will be an opportunity to discuss the past in the individual co-parent sessions which are designed to help each individual co-parent process the end of the relationship and gain the opportunity to heal.